NaBloPoMo- because I'm INSANE!!!

When NaBloPoMo happened last year, I had been blogging for about two months. I had no clue what it was about, but happy to be able to get new posts everyday from some of my favorite bloggers.
This year, I'm gonna try it! We'll see how this goes or if I lose my mind.
No, I think I already lost my mind.

Save the earth with fake pumpkins?

Kristin today at We Are That Family is having a BYOP (Bring your own Pumpkin) party today and me being the wonderful mom I am, is getting here late.
But I discovered the most WONDERFUL pumpkins this year.
Craft Pumpkins!
You can cut and carve them and then toss them in the Rubbermaid for next year! No composting or fruit flies! Just don't use a candle with it.
So what did I do with mine?

I loved these Potato Head parts last year when I got them, but didn't enjoy washing pumpkin guts off them at the end. So I put them in craft pumpkins, and can use them from year to year or until the kids destroy them.
Oh we do have real pumpkins, from pumpkin patch trips with Princesses and School:

They attacked those with Sharpee markers. Left Bri's; Right Jimmy's. No carving needed!

Happy Halloween!

For once, I agree with Michelle Dugger

I am a reality tv show junkie, especially when it comes to anything with large families. As someone who grew up as an only child, large families amaze me.
I like watching 17 Kids and Counting on TLC. I remember when Michelle wrote an article for Parents magazine and she only had 14 at that time. I was dealing with an infant and wondering what the hell anyone was thinking letting me be a parent and I was just baffled that someone in this day and age had 14 kids. And Bri hates it so I get peace and quiet.
Anyhow, I was watching a couple weeks ago, the episode I think when the Duggers had another large family stay with them so something like 4o people were in the house. The kids were looking at something on the computer and Michelle commented they have a computer only because the software to block questionable stuff was really good. Ok, that may not be the exact quote, but basically she thinks like I do with the computer. The other family used the computers at the library because they did not want questionable stuff in their home.
For once, I agree with Michelle. Its our job as a mom to protect our kids from the icky online while allowing them to use the web and order stuff from Amazon learn about useful things online.
I don't agree with not letting kids date or girls wearing long skirts all the time, but moms are allowed to disagree now and then. I do like the multiple wash machines and not going into debt to purchase items.
Oh, and I do like Tater Tot Casserole, I just had to cut the recipe into eights so we don't feed the neighborhood.

It isn't wrong but still it isn't right*

Remember the couple I talked about in this post? The husband/father moved out this weekend. So ended that saga. Mom/Wife is mad and depressed and child is very angry. I cannot fix the situation, but the child is not taking it well. Imagine telling an eight year old in a teenager's body you're getting a divorce. That is what things are like right now. All I can do is pray at this point.

The good news is Jimmy is making some progress. He can type his name and "no" on the computer. He can recognize most letters and count to about 13 He is also learning how to write his name. The kids were playing with brushes on the wall and Jimmy was "writing" his name on the wall (he has some problems with the letter Y).
I am waiting to see what the district does with his IEP. There were recent complaints in a report they have inadequate room for the EC program. His Parent-Teacher conference is on November 24th. We have no letter for a date yet for the IEP meeting. I get the sinking feeling its gone.
But we did learn recently that he HATES the nebulizer with a passion. As soon as he is over the cold/flu/sinus thing, he goes to an inhaler for daily maintenance meds. The allergist was nice about it and also realizes that if he won't take it, what good is it? He was screaming last night it hurt his nose while we tried to give him his sick medications. And distracting him with SpongeBob or the Leapster doesn't help either.

*bonus points if you can guess what song this is from.

100 things broken into easy to swallow pieces part one

Ok, so many many bloggers have done the 100 things about them. To read them all in one sitting may be mind numbing, unless you have a Blue Glowtini and then you may just fall asleep. So I'm breaking them into groups of ten (can you tell I'm teaching a 1st grader math?) and probably will do this as the mood hits once every two weeks until we get through a 100 new facts about me. So hang on.....
1)I live in the same town I was raised in. If I told you, most of you would not be able to find it on a map. Its not known for too much.
2) I share a birthday with James Taylor and the Girl Scouts. I acknowledge the Girl Scouts more often.
3) I am an only child, this has proven to be good and bad.
4) I am a Pisces and really match those traits
5) One of Muddy Waters sons was my camp counselor when I went to Park District camp one summer. Didn't know this fact until camp was almost over. Very nice guy.
6) First Concert (at 6 months old) Muddy Waters. Don't remember it.
7) First Concert I remember - Melissa Manchester at the Brookfield Zoo. Dad got free tickets from someone.
8) First Concert I had control over - I think UB40 and the Gin Blossoms at Poplar Creek.
9) I like all kinds of music. Raised on everything from Opera to Journey. My iPod may implode from having Beethoven to Tori Amos to Slayer on it.
10) first thing I ever won - a Cabbage Patch Lamp from school craft fair.

How exactly did you find me?

I know, other bloggers have done this, but I always find keyword searches facinating. Especially since you ended up here.
I am copying these word for word, I CANNOT make this stuff up.

can you make toast on the ceiling
I don't know, but if you can, don't tell my kids

"how i would look bald"
Do you have a round enough head to be bald? My skull is all lumpy

what does god say about going in the potty
Its a good thing? Boy, that's one thing I never think about when I have insomnia.

how to potty train a child with low muscle tone; low muscle tone and potty training
If you have any advice please share. I still haven't figured this one out.

what is significant about the colour of the ceiling-catholic
Umm, it should be white? I'll ask my priest the next time I go to church.

funeral luncheon toasts
I think you are definetly at the wrong site for that one.

And you wonder why I hate doctors

James wanted to take me to the ER last night. I said no because $500 is a waste to be told nothing is wrong with me and go home. Why bother?
Even after yesterday on the Today show they had a doc on that basically said they thing patients lie. For example, if you say you have three drinks a week, they double it to six. Because who really has only three drinks a week? I wish I could find the video because it made my blood boil.
Let's discuss this.
I have GERD. I probably have had it since I was an infant. But back in the day, they didn't think kids could have GERD. So now, even with test results, my doc tells me; well give you meds for now, but once you lose weigh, we'll take you off of them. Now I'm all for not overmedicating people, but if you have gone on the diet and still had horrible reflux, why take someone off something that helps and in the scheme of things is benign. I had acid reflux when I was skinny, so losing weight makes no damn difference anymore.
I have had horrible pain in my arms. I went to the doc. Told there was nothing they could do, but I could take IB if I wanted, but it wouldn't help. Oh I could have surgery that would reshape my shoulder bones if my neurologist thought it would help.
Oh and when I ended up in the hospital thanks to the arm pain, they kept asking me if I took drugs. Over and over, even though they took enough blood to test for anything they want. Finally, after the 900th time I was asked in 8 hours, I snapped and said, yeah I'm running a meth lab in my crawlspace, test me if you don't believe me. I think they got the point and only asked me once the next day.
I get referrals, but told its 6 months to get an appointment. Other people call and are in the next day. Bleeding out of my rectum didn't get an appointment for two weeks and that got referred to another doctor.
Why waste the money if all you do is get the blow off? I got a lot of that with Jimmy and I'm sure people are just doing things now to pacify me and get me off their backs. You try to care and you get called a freak, neurotic, Munchhausen by proxy. You take care of yourself and they ignore you.
I'm afraid Bri is going to go into early puberty. I want to make sure that she doesn't get her period at 8 (should a 2-3rd grader have to carry pads?)and there are meds you can give to delay menstruation. Doc sees no concern and we'll keep an eye on it. I gave you the family history and you blow me off yet again. But if she gets her period early, I'm sure I'll hear how I am the world's crappiest parent.
And it makes me nuts.

Let's hope it doesn't happen again

As I write now, my dad and James are replacing the sump pump. I am trying not to lose my mind dealing with two overtired, hyper kids.
I got most of our crawlspace cleaned out, I still have the carpet to cut, bag and throw out. I did get a few small pieces of carpet in a bag of other stuff that I threw out today. I found pieces of carpet in different spots in the crawlspace. I think the former owners secretly wanted to carpet the crawlspace (it is cemented), but didn't want to commit to permanently tack it down in there. It'll have to wait until Wednesday, since I'm going scrapbooking tomorrow night.
In reality, it does not and should not rate as a disaster in this house. We didn't lose too much, so far. A chair will need to be sanded and refinished on the bottom. A part of the crib and some closet doors need to be sanded and refinished.
The things we lost have no value for insurance and I kick myself I didn't get them into tubs sooner.
All of our cards from when James and I dated, our wedding cards, cards from my shower for Bri and her first birthday cards are gone. Some books had to be pitched. Old computer software had to go. Lots of stuff I have no clue why I was hanging onto.
I know I don't need the cards and keepsakes. I have pictures which I can look at. I have memories from when I was there. So the cards are nice and its fun to look back and see from the past, but its not the most important things in life.
I know, the house is standing and we still have ourselves here, which is the most important. We can replace material possessions, we cannot replace lives. I know that is the most important stuff in life.

Umm, what IS that SMELL????

The saying goes, if you want to make God laugh, tell him/her your plans? My saying is; if you want to make God roll on the floor and split her sides, tell her my plans.
Today was a day that wasn't great, but was ok. In the beginning.
And then got worse.
We started with oversleeping, fits about cutting up cinnamon rolls, the kids beating each other with stuffed animals, then taking Bri to HellMart and Target for parts for her Minnie costume to go to a Halloween party today. Bri and I came home and had lunch. Then James and Jimmy came home from Aldi's and I made Jimmy lunch and James and I had nachos.
So far, not too terrible, right?
After lunch, I decided to go into our crawlspace to find the other two sets of Mr Potato Head parts for the craft pumpkins I bought Saturday AM. I looked in a couple boxes and didn't see anything. But the crawlspace stunk. Really stunk. Not dead animal stink, but I know I smelled this smell before.
So I came up and talked to James for a minute. Then I decided to go back into the crawlspace. I walked around some boxes and noticed a book on the floor. It was sopping wet. I yelled for James to come down. I showed him the book. The floor was perfectly dry. He went into the crawlspace and looked around. The sump pump died. We are not sure when. Somewhere along the time when we had the historic rains here we guess. There is water in the discharge pipe and it will not run. He thought it hadn't spread too far.
(Can you predict how this goes?)
So I decided to clean some stuff up in the crawlspace quickly before going to the Halloween party. The sump pump is in a back corner. I went to move a bag by the entrance, and it fell apart. Everything inside was SOAKED. Oh crap. The water spread further than we thought.
So I grabbed bags and paper towels and began cleaning and throwing out. I filled two garbage cans with stuff and I'm not really done. I missed the Halloween party while getting cramps in my back from being hunched over. I gave up after a couple hours only because we are out of garbage cans (they did not pick up my yard waste this week because I guess I forgot to tag the cans.) I was lucky a lot of stuff down there was in Rubbermaid tubs and up on pallets. What didn't survive was anything on the floor in a cardboard box. My maternity clothes all needed to be washed. The crib side rail has some mold on it. I need to look at it closer another day.
The carpet the previous owners left for backup is all wet and needs to be thrown out. So I need to cut it down and bag it for garbage day. The saving grace was it wasn't the ejector pump. That died last winter and didn't ruin anything, thankfully. But it stunk up the house.
And if you are wondering, my Grandma H's basement flooded when I was a child. I remember the smell now from cleaning out her basement.

I'm not feeling very blissful right now

Guess where I should be this weekend?
Nashville, TN
Guess where I am right now?
Illinois
Yeah, I'm NOT at BlissDom, meeting awesome bloggers, drinking Blisstinis and getting swag. I will be going to a useless allergy appointment (yeah I'm going to the doc, DON'T remind me!). I will be buying craft pumpkins to stick the Mr Potato Head parts into and not waste a pumpkin. I will be redoing a first bath scrapbook layout. I will be babysitting while James and Bri go to a pumpkin hunt. I will be trying to get a Halloween costume for Bri. I will be cooking meals and doing laundry.
I had permission from my other half to go. However, we are in busy season at work and since there are no PTO days allowed, I could not take off to drive. So here I sit, freezing my hind quarters off.
I will NOT be in Nashville. I am NOT in Nashville.
This totally sucks.

I think it may be time to pull out the pink boxing gloves

I have a sinking feeling the school is looking to get rid of Jimmy's IEP this year.
His IEP states he gets 60 minutes a week of Speech therapy and OT as part of Early Childhood. The kicker on all of this is that it can be in classroom or direct. We knew from the start the OT was never going to be direct.
His Speech has not been direct since the beginning of this school year.
His sheet comes home every day that they did speech activities in class. Ok, counts for the IEP, but this sucks.
One problem is they went from 4 to 8 kids in the class. Jimmy appears to be the least disabled kid in the class. That is not an insult, its the truth. One girl is not walking in his class, another is starting ADD meds on top of other issues. i empathize with him. I once was there too.
The only reason we got the IEP was due to the speech delay. Once they feel there is no delay, it falls back on my shoulders. Which means co-pays, deductibles and out of pockets to get him help. And sitting on a waiting list to a center that deals with SPD exclusively.
We will probably have the meeting in December. I'm not looking forward to it.

ok, time for some suggestions for my hair, ANYONE?

I need a new hairstyle. This is NOT a style. Please excuse the crappy pic, you get the idea.
Right now, its longer than shoulder length, one length pretty much, no bangs. Has not been cut for almost a year. That is a long story. Involves credit card debt, medical bills and a kid in Catholic school.
I usually keep it in a clip or a pony tail.
Right now I'm ready to shave it off. I do own the clippers in my linen closet.
I cannot color it anything not found as a natural hair color and I do work for a health care company. I look terrible with really light hair.
So here is a recent pic. Please help. If I find my makeover software, I'll post some ideas I have.

If you don't want to read about my mental state, I recommend skipping this post

I have had it!
You know when you talk to people about how you feel and realize you're just getting screwed time and time again?
I am so tired of listing to people say, oh I talked to my doc and got meds because I'm having panic attacks/depression/anxiety.
I talk to my doc and get ignored or told to lose weight. I've been told I need more exercise and a better diet. I have FAILED a depression screening and been blown off.
One friend went to the same doc that brushed me off in March and got half an hour of sympathy and a hug. I got told to call my general doc and she walked out of the room.
I am trying to find the cause of my "food/latex" allergy and they don't want to do any testing until I can EXACTLY pinpoint what is causing a reaction. If I could do that, why do you think I'm here?
So, as of today, I am no longer seeking ANY preventative medical attention, unless I am in a auto accident or running a 104 fever. I am FINISHED with doctors. I am only taking one prescription from now on, until I can con my ob/gyn into a hysterectomy. And that visit every year will suck just as bad as this year did.
Besides, it'll save money for the kids medical in the long run.

Its just been a long week, going to become a long year

I know, what else is new for me?
There is a lot going on right now. Most of it does not affect me directly. My family is ok. My mom is still healthy and my dad is taking care of himself. I haven't heard from extended family so I guess they are busy and ok.
That's not the point.
Things are going on that affect those I love. Those who live with me day in and day out.
And I have to explain things to a six year old again I should never have to say and be a shoulder to James. Jimmy doesn't understand what is going on, which is thankful in a strange way.
And I can't say more than that. I don't have permission. Nothing is official. Yet.
The next year is going to bring a lot of changes to many lives around here. I am trying to hang on to what sanity I have while fighting depression no medical person thinks I have.
I know it doesn't affect me directly, but it still affects me. It makes things more complicated than it needs to be in life.
The economy in the crapper, having my health co-pays go up and not sure how I'm going to pay to get everyone to their appointments and dealing with my debt affects me. It does get me down.
It just doesn't help when things out of my control are falling apart. And I can't fix them and those within the situation refuse to. I have to deal with the fall out and the aftermath. I will once again pick up the pieces and try to make things whole again.
I should go to work tomorrow to finish renewals. I'm not.
So I will be at a Catholic cemetery trying to work on James' family tree, drinking a big Pumpkin Latte and listening to WOW Hits 2009 as I drive. I'd rather take pictures of headstones than deal with anything else right now.
It should at least be quiet and peaceful.

Happy HallowThanksMas!

I went to two stores tonight for various items, most of which I did not buy. Hey, hair color and Zyrtec just don't appear out of thin air.
So I walked around for a while because how much quiet does a mom get in a day?
Not much, it involves trips to WalMart in the rain to have peace.
Anyway, I was disgusted last week when I saw Christmas decorations behind the Halloween aisles at Target. Yeah. Umm, isn't it October?? Turn off the LED light up deer and snowmen PLEASE!
All stores jumped on the bandwagon of Christmas decorations in eye shot of Halloween costumes and giant Domos hanging from the ceiling at Target.
They should cover Domo in LED lights, but I'm getting off my point.
When I was a kid we handled one holiday at a time. We would finish Back to School and then have Halloween only. Then after Halloween would end, we'd focus on getting ready for Thanksgiving. After all the turkey gravy covered dishes were in the dishwasher, we'd go to Christmas. And some in my extended family would get up at the crack of dawn that Friday and kill a tree. My house just pulled it out of the basement and stayed warm drinking large cups of coffee. Stores did not put out Christmas until after Thanksgiving, not in September. There would have been riots if stores had. We had a order to things back in the day.
Tonight I went to a grocery store looking for the pink can of Folgers. One side of the aisle was Halloween costumes and candy. The other side was Christmas wrap and such. Thanksgiving was at the end on an endcap.
The news just had a story that people are buying Christmas stuff NOW. To save money, gas may go up again and because the shopper in the story feel the economy is going even more into the crapper. And its predicted that Christmas this year will probably suck for retailers since we already cut out vacations and eating out, we have to cut somewhere else in budgets and can't give up utilities.
Yeah, ok, ya know what?
It is not going to happen in this house. No Christmas until after Thanksgiving is done. We will decorate with bats on the windows and blow up pumpkins on the lawn. We'll change the bats for leaves on the window and put out the inflatable turkey. After the dishes are in the dishwasher and we've drained the Ready Whip from its cans, we'll put up the tree and deal with Christmas.
Otherwise, we may be stuffing the turkey with candy corn and Sliders and singing carols and who really needs that?
What a horrible thing to do to candy corn and Sliders.

I'd like a meal without trains or bendy straws.

James and Bri should be home from camping with Princesses. I hope they had a good time, I haven't heard from them, I guess there is no cell phone service there. James better have taken pictures for me.
Jimmy is still alive, even thought he is driving me up a wall. He asks constantly where daddy is and why he can't go camping. Right now he is jumping around and trying to wrestle while I write. James will be happy all went pretty well for the weekend. But that will be it.
There will be no thank you dinner out to a place with a Martini menu and no kids meals. It will be back to life as usual; sibling rivalry, school, being begged for a hamster, juggling bills, meals no one likes, and all other things that come with kids.
So is life. And its been the hardest part for me to adjust to being a parent.
I miss the days of eating where we wanted, not worrying about if they have hot dogs on the menu or people will give us the evil eye for bringing the kids. Or being able to look for stuff at the mall without one kid complaining that its boring and the other one taking off on me. If I go by myself, then I feel guilty about not being home getting things done.
I haven't had a pedicure or a manicure in over a year. I color my hair at home. I feel guilty about spending the money.
There are times I get glimpses into my old life, such as hanging out with moms at a bar or getting to scrapbook outside of the house. If I try at home, Bri wants to help and Jimmy wants to play with the paper punches. But the chances are few and far between.
I love my kids, I miss myself. I'll get used to it one day.

I wish I was camping. Or at the bar

My day has involved:

• Mickey Mouse Pancakes
• Two cups of coffee
  
• Early lunch with Peepa
• A load of laundry to wash two jackets that Jimmy dropped ketchup on at above item
• Three cans of Diet Coke
• Cleaning off a bunch of papers from coffee table while Jimmy played on computer
  
• A time out that turned into a nap for Jimmy and me
  
• Too many episodes of SpongeBob to count
• A trip to Toys R Us
• Dinner at the train restaurant
• Trip to Hell Mart for yeast infection supplies (for me)
  
• One poopy pull-up
• more SpongeBob episodes
  

I'm hoping he goes to bed soon. I'm tired. Next time, I leave Jimmy and Bri with daddy and camp out at a bar.

I should have had the beer at lunch

Today at lunch a work friend of mine and I went to a burger place. Its a step above fast food, but you order at a counter. At least the cheese sauce isn't an extra charge.
So we were contemplating the menu and the value meals have a burger, side and either a soda or a beer with them. We both wanted the beer, but had to go back to work. We had the soda grudgingly. The burger was good and the cheese sauce I drowned my fries in was good.
It was another one of those days. The kind that staying home with the kids looks like the better option.
I was getting harassed because two groups would not work in the system. They wanted the letter NOW and WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE IT???????? E-mails all day, when will this be done, can you escalate it, can I escalate it, can I have rates?????
Ugh
Add to that its renewal busy season and people are promising things they shouldn't be, its so much fun.
Then I go to pick Bri up from after care after working all day. She goes to me, am I going to the Skating Party today?
First, the party began at 3:30, parents provided transportation. It was almost 5.
Second, there was no one to take her.
Third, not like there will never be another Student Council skating party.
So Bri is now mad at me that I work. Great.
I get home and make dinner. I thought we had 3 pork chops, there was 2. So James had one and the kids split the other. I ate leftover Chinese. A box of cheesy potatoes didn't feed all of us. Now I need to not only make two packs of bacon with pancakes, I need two packs of potatoes.
At least tomorrow is Friday.
No, wait. James and Bri go camping Saturday early AM. Its going to be a long weekend.